There’s this tennis class, called Gorin, that I used to go to.
At first, my mom signed both of us up for this class way back in early 2022, I think, and I was feeling all excited and everything. But the first class was terrible–in my level group everyone was 10 times better than me and it was horribly embarrassing. I’m pretty sure my sister had a great time though.
The next time I tried again and it was even worse. I played in my level group, where everyone was about my age, for like 10 minutes. But apparently, I sucked so much that I got moved down to my SISTER’s class which was full of 5 to 8-year-olds. And I’m TWELVE. And everyone was staring at me like I was an idiot.
So obviously I can say that was the most humiliating thing in my life, ever. No competition.
Which is why I never, ever, ever, ever, EVER wanted to go to Gorin again.
So naturally, I nearly had a heart attack when I saw this message from my mom:
It means, “Prepare your tennis equipment, and put on sunscreen. Get ready for the Gorin class at 5.”
Let the screaming, yelling, whining, arguing, and crying commence!
I really, really, really, really hate that class. Not because the teachers were bad or anything (they were kinda distant, but I suppose they were okay…), just because I DIDN’T FIT IN. And it was a PUBLIC HUMILIATION.
But since I have the best mom ever (love you, mom), she understood me :). And she allowed me to not go to class.
My sister, upon hearing this, threw a tantrum as well. Her argument was “Since Emma doesn’t have to go to class, I don’t have to either. It’s not fair. Plus, I never liked Gorin anyway.”
The thing is, her group is perfectly on her level and she fits in just fine. My mom and my sister argued forever as I hid in the closet, listening. There were some really awesome things my mom said, like “If Emma went to class, then you would go to class. That’s not good, don’t care about others so much and let your decisions be affected and just follow others.” It was something like that, I don’t remember the exact words.
And there was also “We want you to train harder so that when you’re your sister’s age you don’t have to be like her, crying because you’re bad at tennis. You can fit in with the higher-level group so that you can be really good.”
Well, that was kinda offensive, BUT I didn’t take any offense. It was true anyway, and my sister deserved it. I feel kinda bad for most younger siblings, constantly overshadowed until they grow older, so my sister deserves to be better at me in sports. Especially based on how unathletic I am.
The conflict still isn’t resolved, as of right now (20 minutes later). My sister “won”, I suppose, but I’d say it’s more of a loss than a win. It’s that feeling you get when you’re fighting for something so hard but then when you achieve it, you feel empty and you know your decision is wrong. I’d call it remorse. And that’s happened SO MANY times. For example, there are lots of days where I keep procrastinating guzheng practice until I say, “Oh, it’s 9:00, it’s going to be too loud for the neighbors” and then I don’t practice for the day, and that night in bed I can’t sleep.
You know that feeling?
All in all, DON’T let yourself be carried away by other people and their separate situations. Just do what’s good for yourself (Gorin definitely would benefit my sister tons more than it benefits me, and she seemed to enjoy it whenever she came back anyway). And sometimes a win isn’t a win, but rather a loss.
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